Human beings seem to be unique in that we are the only species that can physically be in one place but mentally be else. Be that ruminating on the past or dreading the future. Either way when we are emotionally flooded our hormones are bombarding our mind and making us feel not present.
Common triggers for emotional flooding are situations we previously found stressful. If we are having an argument with our partner that feels similar to a previous argument, our frustration will increase and we will have the feeling of 'here we go again'. That here we go again feeling makes us feel trapped. Because if we had that feeling before and are having it again now, the anxious part of our mind assumes we will keep having that feeling. Emotional flooding in this case means panic! It is hormones that are the biological cause of emotional flooding. Hormones, chemical messengers such as adrenaline, are shooting throughout our mind and body when we are emotionally flooded. Left unchecked, to put it simply, we do stupid stuff. We say things that hurt our partner, or we take actions we cannot untake. Over time, resentment builds in the relationship. Think of emotional flooding as like being drunk. If you are under the influence, it's best not to drive a car or make big decisions. We are not our best selves when drunk. But when alcohol wears off, we can think straight again. The same is true with these hormones. When you are emotionally flooded try your best to remove yourself from the situation. The tried and true technique of walking away to calm down still works. Once you have calmed down, and if your partner has as well, circle back to the argument. You can let them know why you walked away, and why you believe it was for the benefit of the relationship. Having these conversations when hormonally "sober" can lay the groundwork for better future arguments. So next time the fight comes up you can say some version of "hey, I think we are getting emotionally flooded right now. I don't want to lose connection with you, so for the health of our relationship, let's give each other some space."
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AuthorPhilip Monte Verde LMSW Categories
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September 2024
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