Is a drunk "I love you" legit?

Another anonymous emailer says: “I have a couple of friends that I go out to drink with sometimes. I noticed that when we are quite a few drinks in we will start telling each other how much we love each other. That never happens when we're sober. Why is that? Do they really mean it?”

Thanks Anon. My thinking on this is it has to do with vulnerability. Alcohol, for better or worse, reduces activity in the brain’s prefrontal cortex. That's our command center, the area we use to make our judgement calls. It also dampens the cortex's friend in the back of the head, the amygdala. That's our brain part responsible for keeping on the lookout for threats. The more we drink, the lower our inhibition. 

It sounds that, like most people, you and your friends have trained those parts of the brain to play it safe when it comes to outpourings of emotion. The rougher our childhoods (say if we endured abuse, trauma, or bullying), the more conservative that part of the brain will have adapted to be.

You and your friends clearly love each other. That's fantastic. And I don't think it's disingenuous. I think we are scared to show these emotions when we are in our ‘right mind’ because there is a risk attached to them. If I say I love you and you don't say it back, I will be devastated.

So people won't take the risk of saying such things when sober. Instead we will drop hints and be indirect about it. But I say be bold. If you have a feeling a friend loves you, and you them, tell them so. Best case scenario it's a thing that you can be open about. If not, at least you can weed them out of your life. 

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